false impressions

on the outside. brave. outgoing. risk-taker. thrill seeker. tough.carefree.

on the inside. scared. safe. quiet. careful. worrier.cautious.

Ever wonder if sometimes people have a false sense of who you reallly are? Last night while out with friends someone said to me "Maddy, you're the craziest of us all. Why are you acting so worried? (he was referring to my reaction after some crazy driving stunt he was trying to pull)
Yes i may have over-reacted  by yelling STOP over & over again, but seriously??
I'm all about having fun. Heck, it's what I live for. But when it comes to SAFETY,(especially MY safety) that's another story. I HATE feeling like i don't have control in all situations. Especially when it comes to potential hazard. Needless to say I was just realllly ready to go home.

truth: I'm not nearly as crazy as i act sometimes. (maybe that's what all crazies say?) & even if people think I am BORING, that's a risk I'm more than willing to take.

p.s did I mention how I EXCITED I am for CHRISTMAS???!!!

Welp I am just sitting here in suspense waiting to take my LAST final. hallelujah! for some reason i am very ahead of schedule so i have some time to kill. (who does that?)

The past 3 weeks or so have been crazy hectics, but oh so enjoyable.

I will be heading back to b-town in approx. 7 hours and of course I am Stoked about that.

I have been in such a Christ-masy mood lately. My mom gave me some decor to deck out our apartment with & it looks so festive. I have taken it upon myself to make SURE everyone feels the christmas spirit. If the lights aren't plugged in & christmas music playing, something is seriously wrong.I just want to sing christmas carols, bake sugar cookies, shop, look at lights, & spend time with family and friends. I absolutely can't wait!

the time suz came to college

Lately we swim.. ALOT.

Late night zeppes run

It was Suz's birthday. she's growing up too fast.

Love my mom's old christmas sweaters

Going to a hipster concert. We wore flannel to be cool

Our cute christmas tree

We watched some dumb boys jump in the freezing dam.

grattitude.

Tomorrow may or may not be one of my favorite days of the ENTIRE year. ok it really is. I love thanksgiving with a passion.
My second favorite holiday next to the 4th of July.
 Anyway, maybe it's in the spirit of thanksgiving that I feel so joyful!
I am so grateful for the people in my life that make it as wonderful as it is.
I'm also thankful for the things that make it great as well.
And lastly, for the person I'm continuing to become. I know i'm not perfect, but I look back at last thanksgiving and am grateful for the person i am this year.
I'm different, but in a good way i believe.
and that is something to give thanks for.

so here is my thankful list.
(warning: it is a pretty unusual list, but a grattitude list at that)

-The Gospel. #1 no battles.

-My family. yes, everyone says this. but i reallly mean it.

-the opportunity to get a college education. (how else am I going to make bank?)

-skinny jeans.

-A body that does exactly what i want it to. (Even with such little sleep most nights, it's soo good to me)

-knowledge that there is life after this one

-the fact that so many people will be at our house for turkey day. I love that festive feeling.

-in approx. 32 hours, I will finally be able to listen to christmas music! I am craving N'sync christmas more than anything!

-A free, beautiful country. & for those who make that possible.

-for my nose. it isn't ideal for most people. but my grandpa gave it to my dad, & my dad gave it to me. how could i not be grateful?!

-Hipsters. who show me how cool it is to not be like everyone else.

-a truck driver who asks me what size of shirt i wear-so he can pick me up one next time he's at the Harley store. how does it get better than that?

-long talks with old friends

-my parents cupboards and fridge. dang they got some good food.

-fingernail polish. i have recently discovered my obsession.

-having a boss who is Rad.

-GUM!

-the ability to be whoever i want to be.

-Ice cold water

-HOPE.

"Be Thankful. Even for the bad things in your life. For they open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."

flashbacks nov. 20

November twentieth/2007

-i remember packing my things in a bag so strategically.

-riding with soph, mimi & her friend with the music blaring

-my heart was pounding

-lying just to get exactly what i wanted

-getting glammed up in the bathroom & thinking how i could pull this off

-walking down the stairs in my new dress and looking so good

-meeeting all his family with a smile

-the pit in my stomach that continued to get bigger 

November twentieth/2009

-i remember all day trying to keep from crying.

-i knew goodbye was coming, i just didn't know it would be so soon.

-eating shakes and pocket pizzas and trying to figure everything out.

-i remember thinking everything is about to change.

-the last hug that i never wanted to end.

-trying to memorize his face so i wouldn't forget while he was so far away.

-watching from my rearview mirror his tail lights get furhter and further away

-getting in my car and crying histerically the whole way home listening to allred.

-being greeted by my mom and dad who were furious with me. 

-mom pounding on my door telling me to give her my phone.

-falling asleep wrapped in the blanket he gave me. it caught all my tears that night.

Novermber 20/2010

- i remember being so mad i could barely talk 

-packing my bags feeling so betrayed.

-driving home with my sister & trying to be tough.

-it snowed so much that day

-calling my mom and telling her she was right. 

-listening to my mom tell me everything would be okay. & believing her.

-trying to write down everything i could.

-ripping down the pictures and screaming to my roommates. they just listened.

November 20 2011 (Today)

-waking up to my little sisters boney legs in my back. I've never been more happy to wake up to that.

-teaching relief society to a chapel full of pepole for the first time. don't remember a single thing of what is said.

-sitting next to my dad, mom, shan, carson, suz & navy during sacrament.

-enjoying lunch with my family whom i adore.

-taking a three hour nap that my body needed desperately.

-laughing with my roomates until my stomach hurt.

-listening to the stake pres. tell all of us that God has a specific plan for each of us.

-feeling genuinely happy.

I think i can finally say, I'm so glad it's November twentieth.

some truth.

Truth is i get jealous because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as heck, and don't say sorry enough. I act like I don't care because i care too much. I over analyze the smallest of things & probably come off as a B to simply guard myself. 

I was born to be  stubborn, to be a little beezy, to push others, to push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live a little, to love with everything i have. to never give up. to believe in myself. but most of all, to fight for myself. 

Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone. 

Too often we're too stubborn to say I'm Sorry, i was wrong.

Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts

And we let the most foolish things pull us apart.

How stubborn are the scars when they won't fade away? Or just a gentle reminder that now are better days?

I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are.

Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.

Notice a theme? Yeah. Lately it was put into perspective for me that although being stubborn has it's advantages, sometimes you have to forget about your pride and do what you want. do what makes you happy. Not be afraid to maybe make someone else happy too. So why is it so hard for me?

That's a lesson I'm still learning.

11/11/11

 Today i was alive for some miraculous. 11:11 11/11/11.

And i made theee Best wish, of.all.time.

Some random facts to remember about 11/11/11

first exciting thing to happen:

second exciting thing to happen: Became a true aggie at 1 am

what i wore:

what i ate: Breakfast-blueberry smile pancakes and scrambled eggs.
Lunch: Guacho grill.
Dinner: Tremonton's one and only country diner.

  

What i Wished for:

HA Psych! 

I'm not telling ANYONE.
But I have a feeling it will come true.(I hope)

hipster

My {Favorite} Hipster Styles:

Flannel Shirts..awesome.


Crazy Headbands

Friendship bracelets

 
Vans sneakers (I prefer my Navy blue pair)

Huge neck tees


Skinny jeans with holes (my FAVORITE jeans in the world)


 Aviators are a must.

D.I clothing (these shoes were $4, and I am in Love.)


Random braids

stuff like that.. I mean, I guess you could say it's what I am into these crazy days. 

competition

Sometimes I'm a bit competitive.. I hate to admit it-but it's true.

Competition is a very large driving force for me. 

It Can be a good thing. other times it's a horrible thing. but in this case i think it's good. 

Me and my roomie/homegirl Kristen have decided to challenge each-other.

"Who can go the longest WITHOUT getting on facebook"

Considering facebook stalking seems to be a daily occurence in our apartment, it should be interesting. We came to the conclusion that facebook either makes us 

A. Super beezy 

or

B. super Jealous. 

soo why not go without it? I'm not sure I'm ready to delete it entirely but a LOOONG break will suffice for now. I never lose so it's a given i will win the competition. Problem is, me and Kristen are alike in that.

Recently

Recently I went from this:

To This:

Dark Hair Again, and I seriously love it. We did a new little trend called "melting" and it's perfect because the bottom is still my natural color, but the top is dark. talk about genius idea. Thanks to my wonderful sister/best friend/hairstylist. honestly don't know what I'd do without her!

Ps have you ever been to Texas Roadhouse with my crazy family? Talk about an adventure.in the very best way.

So glad they always keep me laughing.. and on my toes!

20 secrets

Last weekend i had a dilemma. I went home for fall break which was Won-Der-Ful but i had this little issue where i just did NOT want to exercise. not even in the slightest. To top it off i wanted to eat basically everything in sight.. There was so MUCH good food around and i really felt like i had to take advantage. 

So i did. A lot. maybe a little too much. 

I ate and ate and justified it by thinking "it's fine. I'll just do a crazy workout tonight to burn it off." but that didn't happen. Luckily this only went on for about three days but it was three days too many. I felt so sluggish and even though it was nice giving my body a break from working out, it really wasn't worth it. My workout time is my therapy time and without it something is just off.

I've noticed this week how much BETTER i feel after sweating like crazy and pushing my body until I am SORE. i need that.

When i went back up to school Sunday night i found this neat article that has SERIOUSLY helped me get back in the right mind set and gave me motivation to keep working out and eating healthy.

Even if some days i don't want to.

20 secrets of very fit people:

1. Keep a water bottle with you at all times and drink from it often. 
2. Look at exercise as a pleasure and a privilege, not a burden or chore. Rather than obsessing about your next meal, get excited about your next workout! (I LOVE THIS!)
3. Eat well-balanced meals and remember that excess calories, even if they're from food that's fat free and high in protein, will turn to excess weight. 
4. Limit caffeine
5. Focus on short-term fitness goals with an emphasis on completing daily exercise.
6. Keep a daily log of what you're actually eating. This includes ALL of your snacking.
7. Enjoy an occasional (once a week) "unhealthy" treat, but never an unhealthy week or unhealthy vacation.
8. Enjoy contributing to the health of others by having a partner or friends to exercise with.
9. Avoid monotony by taking up new forms of exercising, or using things that keep you motivated and inspired, like new shoes or great music.
10. Subscribe to fitness magazines to keep focused on health as an overall way of life.
11. Invest in the right tools—good shoes, a portable MP3 player or iPod^®, fitness equipment, a new series of tapes, etc.
12. Make it your goal to do some form of exercise 6 or 7 days a week. If some days you exercise once in the morning and once in the evening, even better! If you're eating right, exercise will fuel your energy level!
13. Don't compare your body to others'. Instead, work to be your personal best.
14. If your diet is unbalanced, take daily vitamin and mineral supplements for total health.
15. Work to take your exercise to new levels of intensity.
16. Create an exercise schedule the day before instead of leaving it to chance or waiting to "find" the time.
17. Move beyond the boundaries of weight loss and into total fitness.
18. Stick with eating plans you can maintain indefinitely. Remember that no matter how hard you're working out, if you're consuming too many calories, you'll never see the muscles that lie beneath layers of fatty tissue.
19. Get adequate amounts of sleep, but remember that people who exercise regularly fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly. (easier said than done.)

20. Measure success by the way your clothes fit, not some number on a scale.

on a roll

Gosh I've just been on a blogging ROLL lately! 

Highlights of my day:

-Granola for breakfast

-Found out my class tomorrow is cancelled! that's right.

-Took a two hour nap.

-got ONE HUNDRED PERCENT on my fam finance exam! Dang. I hate to brag but..

-My favorite neighbor and childhood friend stephy fed me soup and bread bowls for dinner after we both rocked our exam. she is a saint.

-My other favorite neighbor (boy) *who i may or may not be crushing on* asked me to go play ping pong! score.

-Nighttime walk with 2 of my roommates just to vent and talk about life. :)

-Packing to go HOME!!!!

I realize i don't live very far away and I get to see my fam pretty often but for some reason I  am just SO FLIPPING excited to spend the weekend at HOME!! with my crazy fam. and sleep in my OWN big bed. and eat my moms YUMMY home cooked meals. I'm so flippin lucky.

if you got time watch my favorite clip right now.

shocking realization

So this past week I said something.. something I thought would never leave the mouth of ME.

Ever.

 but it did. and i don't have any regret.

Wanna know what it was?

"I love fall."

That was it. three words. three short words.

but they hold a lot of weight.

to be honest i have always DREADED fall. I would cringe just thinking about it. I wasnt even sure exactly why.Everyone in my fam seems to ADORE it. I've always had a deep hate for it.

I think it may have to do with the fact that SUMMER has my loyalty. And saying i liked fall which so harshly replaces beautiful summertime made me feel like i was betraying it. or maybe it's because the idea of carefree days being replaced by school is downright depressing. 

or maybe it has to do with the fact that the weather changes and i have to say goodbye to wearing my swimsuit all day long and say hello to pale skin.

but i guess i've matured enough to realize you really can love more than one season. (i'm so grown up)

It's really okay. and no one is going to get their feelings hurt.. (hopefully) :)

So that's that. Fall is wonderful. Life in general is wonderful. 

So me and homegirl kristen made a FALL Bucket list. Its posted on our fridge and makes me happy every-time i see it. maybe you'll like it too.

-Apple Picking

-Make Leaf Art

-Go 4 wheeling

-Have a photoshoot in a leaf pile

-Enjoy a bon fire w/ smores (check)

-Make Caramel Apples..delish.

-CORN MAZE

-Go to a pumpking patch and carve punkins

-Make Fall type cookies

-Go running while the air is crisp

-Bake Pies (check)

-Scary movie night with treats (check)

-Tell scary stories in a fort (check)

-FOOTBALL games! (check)

-Bike rides (check)

-Dance in the Rain

-Bake Homemade bread

*We're doing pretty good so far, but got a hecka lot more to cross off the list

Thursday

Thursday I had a lot of firsts(is that a word?)

I needed to be up by 4:30 in the a.m.. alarm never went off. (good thing i'm a light sleeper and woke up only 45 minutes to my phone vibrating)..first.

I drove to SLC with two other classmates. one being a married man with a broken leg..first.

I went to a Safety and Health Conference at University of Utah..first

 

I ate lunch with five grown men who were old enough to be my dad..first. (and awkward)

I didn't even get lost in the big city and stayed so so calm while driving.. first

I felt so grown up being a volunteer at a state wide conference..first.

 

I came home and worked on homework 'till i went to bed..first.

I even missed "treat night" just to make sure i wouldn't have homework over the weekend..first. 

Went to bed by 1130 because i was downright exhausted..first.

sunday loves

I WANT her hair!

We LOVE tandem bicycling