let go

It's not usually like me to do these kind of posts, but it's honestly more for ME than anyone else. My senior English teacher used to tell me "when you want to know how you REALLY feel about something, write about it" I think that is very profound. & has helped me out A LOT. Maybe it can help someone else out too.

 I like to think of myself as a brave person. Someone who can put my "tough face" on and do what i know I need to. But in reality, it's a lot harder than i could have ever thought. Truth is i have been too scared to do what i've know i needed to do for a long time. I try to say this in the most respectful way-but turns out i had my heart set on a genuine dirt bag. Its a tragic thing because when its YOU, you can't tell. Sure Everyone else can but it's literally like you're blind sided. You put on a smile and say everything is okay. give up important things and push away important people in order to keep this person around and in the end,  it isn't worth it. Someone who truly cares about you wouldn't let that happen. They wouldn't disrespect you or treat you like you aren't good enough for them. But still: you have your mind made up and don't let those seemingly small things get to you.

Until one day, they do. 

And suddenly it hit me. Like a million bricks. 

Everything that everyone had been telling me for so long I could finally see.
I finally realized i didn't needed to be treated like that. I deserved better. 

I knew what i needed to do. 

 Let go. 

Let go of the person that for way too long had brought me down. The person that wasn't helping ME become who i needed to.

It almost seemed too easy, to be so set on what i should do. I never looked back. (and believe me, i was worried i would) But i kept my eyes forward and I can't tell you how happy I've been ever since. It is almost a night and day difference. Life has never been better to me. Sure, somedays it is hard. It's hard to look back on the fun memories and know it can never be that way again. 

But a the same time, it's so exciting. Exciting that things can only get better from here. You put the lord first in your life, everything falls into place exactly how it should. Bottom line.You do your part and everything will be okay. 

and that's my sh-pill. I'm Letting go of that part of my life. I'll try to forget about the mistakes, but never what they taught me.

& I'll be okay in this Big World, I will.