false impressions

on the outside. brave. outgoing. risk-taker. thrill seeker. tough.carefree.

on the inside. scared. safe. quiet. careful. worrier.cautious.

Ever wonder if sometimes people have a false sense of who you reallly are? Last night while out with friends someone said to me "Maddy, you're the craziest of us all. Why are you acting so worried? (he was referring to my reaction after some crazy driving stunt he was trying to pull)
Yes i may have over-reacted  by yelling STOP over & over again, but seriously??
I'm all about having fun. Heck, it's what I live for. But when it comes to SAFETY,(especially MY safety) that's another story. I HATE feeling like i don't have control in all situations. Especially when it comes to potential hazard. Needless to say I was just realllly ready to go home.

truth: I'm not nearly as crazy as i act sometimes. (maybe that's what all crazies say?) & even if people think I am BORING, that's a risk I'm more than willing to take.

p.s did I mention how I EXCITED I am for CHRISTMAS???!!!

Welp I am just sitting here in suspense waiting to take my LAST final. hallelujah! for some reason i am very ahead of schedule so i have some time to kill. (who does that?)

The past 3 weeks or so have been crazy hectics, but oh so enjoyable.

I will be heading back to b-town in approx. 7 hours and of course I am Stoked about that.

I have been in such a Christ-masy mood lately. My mom gave me some decor to deck out our apartment with & it looks so festive. I have taken it upon myself to make SURE everyone feels the christmas spirit. If the lights aren't plugged in & christmas music playing, something is seriously wrong.I just want to sing christmas carols, bake sugar cookies, shop, look at lights, & spend time with family and friends. I absolutely can't wait!

the time suz came to college

Lately we swim.. ALOT.

Late night zeppes run

It was Suz's birthday. she's growing up too fast.

Love my mom's old christmas sweaters

Going to a hipster concert. We wore flannel to be cool

Our cute christmas tree

We watched some dumb boys jump in the freezing dam.

grattitude.

Tomorrow may or may not be one of my favorite days of the ENTIRE year. ok it really is. I love thanksgiving with a passion.
My second favorite holiday next to the 4th of July.
 Anyway, maybe it's in the spirit of thanksgiving that I feel so joyful!
I am so grateful for the people in my life that make it as wonderful as it is.
I'm also thankful for the things that make it great as well.
And lastly, for the person I'm continuing to become. I know i'm not perfect, but I look back at last thanksgiving and am grateful for the person i am this year.
I'm different, but in a good way i believe.
and that is something to give thanks for.

so here is my thankful list.
(warning: it is a pretty unusual list, but a grattitude list at that)

-The Gospel. #1 no battles.

-My family. yes, everyone says this. but i reallly mean it.

-the opportunity to get a college education. (how else am I going to make bank?)

-skinny jeans.

-A body that does exactly what i want it to. (Even with such little sleep most nights, it's soo good to me)

-knowledge that there is life after this one

-the fact that so many people will be at our house for turkey day. I love that festive feeling.

-in approx. 32 hours, I will finally be able to listen to christmas music! I am craving N'sync christmas more than anything!

-A free, beautiful country. & for those who make that possible.

-for my nose. it isn't ideal for most people. but my grandpa gave it to my dad, & my dad gave it to me. how could i not be grateful?!

-Hipsters. who show me how cool it is to not be like everyone else.

-a truck driver who asks me what size of shirt i wear-so he can pick me up one next time he's at the Harley store. how does it get better than that?

-long talks with old friends

-my parents cupboards and fridge. dang they got some good food.

-fingernail polish. i have recently discovered my obsession.

-having a boss who is Rad.

-GUM!

-the ability to be whoever i want to be.

-Ice cold water

-HOPE.

"Be Thankful. Even for the bad things in your life. For they open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."

flashbacks nov. 20

November twentieth/2007

-i remember packing my things in a bag so strategically.

-riding with soph, mimi & her friend with the music blaring

-my heart was pounding

-lying just to get exactly what i wanted

-getting glammed up in the bathroom & thinking how i could pull this off

-walking down the stairs in my new dress and looking so good

-meeeting all his family with a smile

-the pit in my stomach that continued to get bigger 

November twentieth/2009

-i remember all day trying to keep from crying.

-i knew goodbye was coming, i just didn't know it would be so soon.

-eating shakes and pocket pizzas and trying to figure everything out.

-i remember thinking everything is about to change.

-the last hug that i never wanted to end.

-trying to memorize his face so i wouldn't forget while he was so far away.

-watching from my rearview mirror his tail lights get furhter and further away

-getting in my car and crying histerically the whole way home listening to allred.

-being greeted by my mom and dad who were furious with me. 

-mom pounding on my door telling me to give her my phone.

-falling asleep wrapped in the blanket he gave me. it caught all my tears that night.

Novermber 20/2010

- i remember being so mad i could barely talk 

-packing my bags feeling so betrayed.

-driving home with my sister & trying to be tough.

-it snowed so much that day

-calling my mom and telling her she was right. 

-listening to my mom tell me everything would be okay. & believing her.

-trying to write down everything i could.

-ripping down the pictures and screaming to my roommates. they just listened.

November 20 2011 (Today)

-waking up to my little sisters boney legs in my back. I've never been more happy to wake up to that.

-teaching relief society to a chapel full of pepole for the first time. don't remember a single thing of what is said.

-sitting next to my dad, mom, shan, carson, suz & navy during sacrament.

-enjoying lunch with my family whom i adore.

-taking a three hour nap that my body needed desperately.

-laughing with my roomates until my stomach hurt.

-listening to the stake pres. tell all of us that God has a specific plan for each of us.

-feeling genuinely happy.

I think i can finally say, I'm so glad it's November twentieth.

some truth.

Truth is i get jealous because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as heck, and don't say sorry enough. I act like I don't care because i care too much. I over analyze the smallest of things & probably come off as a B to simply guard myself. 

I was born to be  stubborn, to be a little beezy, to push others, to push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live a little, to love with everything i have. to never give up. to believe in myself. but most of all, to fight for myself. 

Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone. 

Too often we're too stubborn to say I'm Sorry, i was wrong.

Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts

And we let the most foolish things pull us apart.

How stubborn are the scars when they won't fade away? Or just a gentle reminder that now are better days?

I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are.

Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.

Notice a theme? Yeah. Lately it was put into perspective for me that although being stubborn has it's advantages, sometimes you have to forget about your pride and do what you want. do what makes you happy. Not be afraid to maybe make someone else happy too. So why is it so hard for me?

That's a lesson I'm still learning.

11/11/11

 Today i was alive for some miraculous. 11:11 11/11/11.

And i made theee Best wish, of.all.time.

Some random facts to remember about 11/11/11

first exciting thing to happen:

second exciting thing to happen: Became a true aggie at 1 am

what i wore:

what i ate: Breakfast-blueberry smile pancakes and scrambled eggs.
Lunch: Guacho grill.
Dinner: Tremonton's one and only country diner.

  

What i Wished for:

HA Psych! 

I'm not telling ANYONE.
But I have a feeling it will come true.(I hope)

hipster

My {Favorite} Hipster Styles:

Flannel Shirts..awesome.


Crazy Headbands

Friendship bracelets

 
Vans sneakers (I prefer my Navy blue pair)

Huge neck tees


Skinny jeans with holes (my FAVORITE jeans in the world)


 Aviators are a must.

D.I clothing (these shoes were $4, and I am in Love.)


Random braids

stuff like that.. I mean, I guess you could say it's what I am into these crazy days.